THE Mzungus

There’s one thing I don’t understand about Kajo-Keji County:  it’s the southernmost district of South Sudan, comparatively accessible by road and air from Uganda, so why aren’t there more aid agencies? The need is here, the projects are obvious and easy and it’s easily accessible.  I’m confused.  What this amounts to is that people here don’t see a lot of Mzungus.  So when they see us it’s not “Hey look it’s a mzungu!” it’s “Hey look it’s THE mzungus, those ones that come back every year.” They especially always remember Liam.  Gee, I wonder why-he’s the social butterfly of our otherwise introverted family.

OH the joys of being a mzungu in rural Africa.  NOT.  There are a lot of bad things about that.  Number 1: The staring.  Excuse me, didn’t your mother teach you not to stare? Oh no, sorry, I can see her behind you, and she’s staring, too.  Peachy.  On the bright side, nothing we do here is weird because we’re those crazy mzungus and God knows why we do what we do.  I could walk around in a chicken suit and get the same looks I do now.  I feel like an exhibit in a zoo.  Hey you, don’t tap the glass!  We don’t like it. 

Number 2:  Mzungus are drunk magnets.  When a man walks up to you, smelling strongly of alcohol and informs you that he is a police officer-trust me, he’s not.  Do not give him money; you’re going to need it when the real police officer demands a bribe.  Number 3: Mzungu girls are drunken marriage demand magnets.  Note: not proposals, demands.  You, you, how are you?  You will marry me; you will come and be my wife.  UM excuse me?! No.  First of all, I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on earth.  Second of all, you really need to work on your technique because your  drunk “you will marry me” isn’t going to get a lot of takers.  The usual arguments don’t work either… I’m still in primary school, I’m already married, and NO you crazy @#$%^&* get away from me!! are all met with cheerful assurance that it’s ok it’s ok.   For those of you familiar with the JennaMarbles videos on youtube… I should have used The Face.  Although honestly I doubt it would have worked. 

Number 4:  Mzungu tax.  What? No it does not cost 50,000 shillings for a boda-boda ride to Mogiri -- you just sold it to the Africans for 10,000.  Enough with the bull crap here people, just tell me the real price.  I’ve been coming here for years - I know what it should be. Side note: boda-bodas, African motorbike taxis, are a singularly terrifying experience and will probably have a post dedicated to their insanity.   

Of course there are also a lot of really wonderful things about coming to Africa, but this post just happens to be me venting about several of my least favorite things.  Such is life; you take the good with bad and roll with the punches.